I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
