They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
