Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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