i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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