I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
