But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
