You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
