You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
