i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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