I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
