before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
