If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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