dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
