i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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