I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
