he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have fence marks all over my body
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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