My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
