in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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