So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
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Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize