White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
