as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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