I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
