ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
