If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
