Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
