ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
