I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
