I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
