Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
