Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
