My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
