If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
