so that wasnt chicken after all
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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