you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
