He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize