I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
