on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You ruined the universe
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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