so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
