You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
