Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
