I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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