our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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