there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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