We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
