Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When are your genitals available?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
