i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
