So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
