I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
