Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
