just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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