And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
