Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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