i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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