tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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