He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
