Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
