Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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