Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize