I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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