My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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