I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
