it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
