I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
