I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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