We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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