Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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