he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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