No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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