U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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