am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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