He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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