I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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