im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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